Friday, July 31, 2015

I barely recognize myself

Since becoming a mom (when will that no longer be weird to say?) I've made some life changes. My core personality has been rocked in many ways. Here are some of the trivial ones.

- I care what time things open
10am on a weekend? Come on. What am I supposed to do when I'm up at 6 and want coffee or breakfast? I called the pharmacy at 8am the other day and was irritated that they weren't open. Get on my level, businesses. 

- Dancing in public is a thing I do now
Silly voices, sick dance moves, vigorous swaying. I'll do it all if it'll calm or entertain D. I no longer have shame.

-nursing in public? No big deal.
Speaking of no shame, I care a lot about breastfeeding and its normalization. I basically just feed D wherever and whenever. He doesn't eat on any sort of schedule, so while I don't plan on whipping out the boob in every store we go to, sometimes it just happens that way. I'm oddly not self conscious about it. Baby eats when he needs it. 

- I can fall asleep in 0.2 seconds
I used to lay in bed and toss and turn for hours. Not anymore! My nights are a blur of being in and out of bed, nursing and bouncing on the ball. I barely wake up all the way before I get back to sleep. In some ways, being overtired is preferable to insomnia, but then the other night I got off the ball and couldn't figure out where I was. Seriously. Lost in my own bedroom. That was weird. I'm so tired.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Miracle Mile

One part of our running club's grand Prix is running a timed mile at one of the summer track meets. They hold them weekly and it's a really good time. it's fun to see people of all ages and abilities competing in a relaxed atmosphere.

We attended the first meet and I was so nervous. Run a single timed mile? Yeah, ok, that's something I haven't done in 13 years. Nick and I warmed up then hung out and watched the little kid events. I wasn't sure which mile heat I should sign up for. They were split into < or > 7:30, and the fast heat had some really fast people, like local high school kids who run sub-5:00. I went with the fast folks in hopes I wouldn't look super silly.

Who's got 2 thumbs and is in denial about her ability to wear pre-pregnancy shorts? Yeah. 

I ended up running a 6:42! Yay me. The best part was running almost the whole race with the same guy, and kicking it to the end with him. The fast finish and chance to "race" was great.

This is me and my racing friend. Posting even though my pelvis is eating my shorts because this photo shows how fun it was to race this guy. Also, so in sync! So heel strike-y!

I had hoped to go to another one of the meets and race again (see: above photo. I was clearly not in a pain place... I wanted to race again and get to that place), but D wasn't having it. He gets grouchy at that time of day and the stimulating environment, muggy weather, and bright setting sun were not ideal for a baby. Next summer he'll be able to participate in the kid races so hopefully we'll get to go more.

Monday, July 20, 2015

The every dayness of it all

The other night, Nick was out of town for work so it was just me, D, and Kiwi at home. And then I got food poisoning. Great timing. As I puked for the second time while my screaming baby clawed at my neck, I thought "This. This is what I wish I'd known about motherhood."

It seems so obvious now, and maybe everyone else knows it already, but you are a mom every day. All the days! Even if you have a headache, or you're puking, or you didn't sleep well (spoiler: you'll never sleep well again). This little person needs you, and those needs don't scale according to the amount of energy you have.

That's been one of the hardest things for me, and I remember when the gravity of it first hit me. D was tiny, just a couple days old. My milk hadn't come in, but in his perfect little mammal way, he was nursing constantly in anticipation. I felt like I wasn't giving him what he needed, and for the first time I realized that I was the one keeping him alive (plus Nick, of course, but I've got the boobs). Keeping him ALIVE. Holy shit. That's a lot of responsibility.

There's no vacation. No day off. No TGIF, because Saturday is interchangeable with Tuesday as far as the baby's concerned. No going to your favorite bathroom stall, the one with the burnt out light so it's nice and dark, to close your eyes, cry or relax. That bathroom stall sanctuary ceased to exist when the baby came out. Now when you need a moment, you just.... You don't get one. Moments to regroup are no longer a thing.

There are single moms out there who do everything, every day, and I'm in awe. My pregnant friend is going to be without her deployed husband for the first 3 months of their baby's life. I honestly couldn't handle that, and I know I am so fortunate to have the support system I have.

I should end on an "omg, he's sooooo worth it " note, and of course he is, but being worth it doesn't change the fact that parenthood is like Groundhog Day plus poop and screaming (and minus Sonny and Cher, because who still has a clock radio?). Tomorrow is another day. That is amazing-more smiles! more wee baby snuggles!- but it is also another day, just like today.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Blog talk

Let's get meta up in here. Blogging about blogging.

It's been quiet around here. I have ideas, but they all seem really mundane. I mean, I stare at the same (amazing, adorable) face all day, every day, I feel like I'm boring to the outside world. But I'm not boring to myself! My life is super interesting. To me. And hopefully Nick.

Blogging is weird. I started this blog to chronicle training for my first full marathon in 2011. It has been with me through 4 marathons, an engagement, a marriage, and a baby. This blog is my longest relationship. That's not a depressing thought at all.

It's a little sad that the most-searched phrase that leads people to this blog is "baby turkeys." I once posted a picture of baby turkeys. Apparently the internet loves that. Baby turkeys baby turkeys baby turkeys. #pageviews.

This totally flows, I swear. 

Other search terms? "Flo Rida biatch" and "happy birthday job." People are weird. Or maybe I'm weird because, well, those searches are leading them here.
Blog stats are like a focus group about your blog. 

I'm going to keep blogging when I feel inspired, but it'll definitely continue to be sporadic. I mean, I can try to type 500 words every day about my treadmill run, but... no one wants to read that. Instead, I'll pop in when something important happens, like D turning a month older. Those updates will still happen, as will infrequent race reports. Don't miss me too much. 

2015 Race to the Creek 5K Race Report

On the 4th, Nick and I woke up extra early to run a local 5K. It was close to my parents' house so my dad was easily able to watch D for us. So helpful! The race director was my old high school cross country coach. I ran (it's a pun!) into him earlier in the week and he mentioned that he only had about 20 runners signed up. YIKES. Our last 5K was teeny and most of the participants were walkers, which makes for a slightly boring, non-competitive race. Luckily, he must have had some late sign ups because the race had about 50 participants, many of whom were high school kids who were fast. Much better!

I had a banana, granola bar, Clif gel and coffee before the race. We got there a little later than I had hoped so I was standing at the start line nursing D. Kid's gotta eat. I also didn't get a warm up in, which was not ideal. My last race was fairly successful and I attributed that in part to a warm up with strides to get my legs going. Oh well. It was warm, but not hot, with bright sun.

Nick wasn't feeling great so he decided to run with me. Awesome! I would not have had the race I did without his support. My goal was to get sub-23 (last race was 23:37 about 7 weeks ago, so this goal was admittedly ambitious). This race has some short but intense hills. I wasn't sure what that would do for my pace, but I was determined to run strong. When we started, a bunch of kids took off quite quickly and I saw I was the 4th woman. I hoped to improve upon that place, but my overall goal was a new post-pregnancy PR.

Each mile had a considerable uphill climb as well as some downhill. Splits were 7:26, 7:33, 7:27, 6:12 pace for the nubbin. Finish time, according to my watch was 23:08, but Nick says he saw us cross right at 23:00. Official times haven't been posted yet. I was third female, first in my age group (and I won a gift certificate! Woo!).I'm very happy with this time but the race highlighted, yet again, my crappy mental game. The last three quarters of a mile of every 5k are torture for me, mentally, even if physically I'm hanging in there. Garmin cadence charts show this vividly. 

I don't really know what to do about this. I know it's a problem for me but I let it happen every race! This time, Nick helped push me through, but even with his help, we were literally a quarter mile from the finish and I couldn't muster anything fast until we passed the 3 mile mark. Frustrating.

I still have my goal of sub 23 before the end of the year. I haven't been doing much focused speed training, just a fair amount of plodding medium length runs on the treadmill (goals be damned, Maryland summer heat is unpleasant), so I'm certain as long as I keep it up I'll be able to run just slightly faster at these next few races. Next year I'll dream bigger with respect to time and distance.

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

We've known you for 5 months!

I start these posts immediately after I finish the previous one so I can add to the post as the month progresses. When I start the post, I find myself thinking about what this time next month will be like, because you change so much every day, every week.

You love standing up! It is absolutely your favorite thing to do. We can often calm you down but holding you up and letting you put pressure on your feet. You are so strong, Little Man.

This was also Nick's first Father's Day. I got you guys Big Dipper and Little Dipper shirts. Yours doesn't quite fit yet, so a stock photo will do. I'm pretty psyched for you two to coordinate.

In some ways, life with you is getting easier. In other ways, it is getting harder. You no longer hate the car seat with a fire of a thousand suns! That is huge because I can actually drive places that are 5 or 10 minutes away. That opens up whole new possibilities for outings for us! The grocery store! Starbucks! 
You fell asleep in the car holding tight to your Moose. So freaking cute.

On the other hand, your sleep has been super awful this month. You've been "waking" up seemingly in pain every 45 minutes or so. The pediatrician you've been seeing since birth blew me off and basically said to deal with it. Nope nope nope. You are clearly in pain, that's not going to work. We went to a new pediatrician and he immediately thought it sounded like you had reflux. We started you on Zantac and thus far (it's been a week) it seems to help. Reflux is diagnosed in babies with incredible frequency but I can't deny that the meds seem to be making you feel better. You are still needy and grouchy, but you might be a little more pleasant. A bit.  

This month was your first 4th of July! We didn't do anything to celebrate (aside from running a fun local 5K) because it doesn't seem like loud noises are your thing. Next year though, I'm hoping you'll love the bright lights and sounds. Or we'll just hang out at home. That works, too.

This month the Supreme Court also made a decision that allows gay marriage in all 50 states! Before having you, I never understood the idea of "making the world a better place for our children." I mean, I knew what it meant, in theory, but I didn't really... get it. Now, when a momentous decision like this is made, I think of how it will affect your future. You get to love and marry whomever you want! Your happiness means the world to me, and that decision means that you'll have one more piece of the happiness pie available to you. 

Keep on getting cuter, little man. Can't wait to see what next month brings us.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Right in the moouth

As I was browsing pictures the other day, I realized we have a ton of D with things in his mouth. That's his current favorite thing to do- grab anything and put it directly in his mouth. Everyone assumes he's teething but teeth are nowhere to be seen. He's just being a baby. Here's a sampling.

Daddy's fingers and a toy?! Bliss.

Moose antler: making car rides possible since 2015.

The ice cream container. He calls the shots around here, and he wanted this. 

Lovingly licking the phone I put next to him in the wrap. 

Hands in mouth. Classic. 

Double fisting!

Gnawing the bejeezus out of a toy. His bite is HARD and when he gets a finger it can be intense, but so adorable.