Thursday, April 16, 2015

Never say never

Back in  those relaxed, pre-baby days, I had a lot of time to think about how I would do the whole mothering thing. I had some ideas, and I definitely had some things that I was so sure I would not do. Here we are, 2 months in, and I have stuck to my guns on some of those, but most of them have fallen by the wayside.

I swore I would never:
- Be covered in bodily fluids
Reading about post-partum life, everyone would mention milk and drool/spit-up and pee everywhere. Um, ladies, you have one job- keep those fluids where they need to be, how hard is that? Turns out, it's impossible. Your boobs are just out of control and they SPRAY everywhere. I did not know that was a thing. It's gotten better, but most days I just shrug and accept that I smell like cheesey stale milk, and so does the baby. We're an attractive pair.

- Use "sleep props"
HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Sorry, this is just ridiculous. I don't know how I thought babies went to sleep, I just figured they... slept, right? It's what babies do! But as our high needs baby ages, his sleep routine gets weirder and weirder. At first, yeah, he fell asleep whenever, wherever. He even slept in the car (this no longer happens). Then sometimes he'd need rocking. Then he'd need rocking and music. Now, for daytime naps he falls asleep while being worn in the sling while I dance and sing loudly to pop music (no lullabies for our advanced baby!). Nighttime, because he's probably overstimulated and overtired and all those other things that you didn't know babies could be, I bounce him on the exercise ball while wearing him in a wrap and playing white noise (vacuum sound ftw). Sometimes a pacifier is involved. I nurse him every 15 minutes. It's complicated and exhausting for everyone but D.

- Use a ton of baby talk
About a week in, Nick caught me saying "hungwy." No clue why made up words are suddenly a part of my vocab, but they are. Tiny person just brings it out in me.

- Be that disheveled zombie woman
I just don't care even one iota about what the neighbors think of me when I'm walking the dog. I'm outside, it's like being in the ocean, there are no rules.

 I wore long underwear (they resemble leggings, promise), a stained shirt, running shoes, and A TRENCHCOAT to walk the baby and dog the other day. Why trenchcoat? Because it's big enough to fit around me and little man in the sling. I looked like a toddler had dressed me, and I did not care.

- Stop showering
Haha! One point for me, tired mom stereotypes! I have showered pretty much every day since the beginning. I either wait for Nick to come home and hand him the kiddo, shower while D naps in the bouncy seat, or take him in there with me. Totally feasible to shower with a baby.
This is appropriate because 1) D sleeps with his arm extended, 2) D loves Queen, 3) Nick and I watched a Queen concert the other night and gained/reinforced our respect for Freddie Mercury. So badass.

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