Thursday, March 12, 2015

One month post-partum

TMI warning!

I had a really easy birth. I had a really easy pregnancy. I pretty much thought I'd be back to my old self right after delivery. I didn't gain much weight (about 27 lb.), didn't get any stretch marks (yes, I'm bragging. Hate away), and thought that with my easy delivery things would get back to normal.

Silly, silly me.

I really did feel amazing after birth, considering what I'd just done. I was perky and ready to take on the world, one boob at a time. And the first few days, I barely glanced at my weight or my body except to marvel at how a 7 lb baby helped me lose almost 15 lb. immediately. Thanks, baby! Clothes were purely functional- pajama pants or yoga pants, sports bra, and some sort of top covering. As long as it was clean(ish) and easy to breastfeed in, I wore it.

Then my milk came in. Then people started expecting me to leave the house. Then I had to face what my new body was (is) really like.

My boobs? They're out of control. The stretch marks that I didn't get on my belly showed up on my chest instead. My breasts always feel like they're on display, either because they really are (gotta feed the kid) or because they're just OUT THERE, embracing the world with their pale hugeness. Maybe next pregnancy I'll actually go outside once or twice all my extra skin isn't quite as blindingly white. I'll definitely take that into consideration when we start thinking about kid 2. In 20 years.

My belly is... still a thing. My ab muscles themselves are doing pretty well. I was diligent about doing little ab exercises the first week after having D, but then Nick went back to work and I lost the ability and the desire to do anything that used energy that's better used sitting on the couch. I had extra belly skin from losing weight a few years ago, hence the minimal stretch marks, but that belly does not just go back to normal.

This is the first meme I created! Look, D, you can still do new things even when you're old like Mommy! One does not simply go back to pre-pregnancy weight. #truth

I can't wear real pants yet. I try. Every day actually, it's a weird masochistic ritual for me. I like being able to check "cried" off my to-do list. I am able to wear ONE pair of pants from my old life. They're not cute and manage to simultaneously be too big and too small at the same time.

And, not to get too graphic, but your uterus doesn't just have the kid and then close up shop. There's bleeding. FOR MONTHS (2-8 weeks. I'm one of the lucky >>2 week people. Yay). For someone who hadn't had a real period in a decade, this is super unpleasant. 

Here's where I put a big old asterisk beside all the preceding bitching. I am trying to embracing some of these changes.These huge knockers? They're helping my kid grow big and strong (and they're AWESOME when they're not annoying). This belly? D is currently laying on it and sleeping, nestled in its squishiness. The extra weight? Yeah, that could really go, but if it's allowing my body the resources to produce quality nutrition for my child, then by all means, stick around. Do I wish I looked like pre-pregnancy me? Hell yes. But would I trade that for being able to provide the best food for D? Nope. Not one bit. And, I physically feel great. Since day 2, I've really felt like a more haggard version of myself. That is awesome. 

Asterisk 2- I'm an overachiever and have been gaining weight after the initial baby-related decrease. A survey of other ladies said that's normal. I would be ok with my weight stabilizing instead of increasing, because after pre-preg and pregnancy weight gain, seeing the scale continue to go up is cruel. What's that? You're not supposed to have spoonfuls of Nutella after every meal if you want to maintain your weight? 
Lucille Bluth just gets me. And Jessica Walter is flawless. 

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