Monday, September 8, 2014

Awkwardness alert

Social situations give me anxiety. When I say that, I don't mean, "gosh, I'd rather stay home tonight than go to a party because it might stress me out." It's more like "I cannot stop thinking about how I will interact with these people and my stomach is tying itself in knots and my heart is racing." I would usually rather just keep to myself.

I use funny gifs to disguise my discomfort. IS IT WORKING?!

With this whole pregnancy thing, people are conversing with me more. I am also getting a lot more hugs. I'd rather avoid hugs with strangers (Most coworkers still = strangers to me. I know, I'm broken.). My new supervisor came over to congratulate me while I was sitting at my desk the other day. He was excited, and said "congratulations!" while sort of holding out his arms. Imagine someone is showing you the message written on a cake. He was holding his arms out, palm up, but kind of at a downward angle. I immediately stand up, expecting this to be a hug. It was not a hug. Instead, I halfway put out my arms, stepped uncomfortably close to him, and realized what I was doing. Then the bile surged up my esophagus. I was so embarrassed I was going to puke.

I'm GOB. I am awkward enough to be a Bluth.

I swallowed my bile, then backpedaled, trying to come up with a reason why I had reached toward him. I grabbed a paper that I didn't really need to talk to him about and struggled to come up with a reason to discuss it with him. My face was sweating. It was the worst.

I wish people would just send me an email so I can have time to analyze their every word, craft a thoughtful response, reanalyze the original email, edit my response, send it, and then regret sending it. That would be so much easier than physical interaction.

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