Saturday, March 1, 2014

Dwelling

I'm in kind of a spiral right now. First of all, Snooki is pregnant, for the second time. I know it's the stupidest of stupid things and I should immediately stop caring about it, but are you kidding me, universe?!? SHE gets to have 2 babies and I get zero? I graduated from college. I do actual work for money. I have not, nor will I ever, create a perfume called "Naughty." This is seriously upsetting.

Plus a coworker (TOTALLY JOKINGLY) said that I should stop getting so fat after a button popped off my coat. Oh and my pants don't fit, even my former "fat pants." Oh and another one of my Facebook friends is also knocked up.

Just stop it already.

As you might be able to gather, I am not ok. I'm at my "goal" weight (yippee?) but my body's still not working. It might be months and months before anything happens. In the meantime, all I can do is sit here and outgrow all of my clothing and be filled with self-loathing. Not having control over this situation is filling me with anxiety all the time. I know the saying "fat isn't a feeling" but screw it, I am currently feeling fat. I can't possibly sugar coat it.

Life just isn't fair. I know this, and it's not worth my time to dwell on it. But here I am, dwelling on it. I can't help myself. Some days are better than others. I just have to take it day by day and make it through. Someday, this will all be ok. I keep reminding myself of the big picture. Sometimes it helps a little.

Here's a cute puppy picture. Kiwi's getting bigger by the day, and I don't like it. Although she's still very small and portable, she's not going to be our tiny puppy forever. Sad.

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