Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Adaptation

Subtitle: Newflash- I'm neurotic.

Right now I'm pretty stressed out. This is not different than any other time (in fact, I think I begin every 5th post with those exact words), but right now seems unusually stressful. I just feel like I have so many balls in the air between work, our reception, and other life events, that something is bound to drop. I had a particularly forgetful week at work a few weeks ago, and very, very nearly missed a deadline. Like, the deadline was midnight and I met it at 8:30pm after a reminder from my boss. Major faux pas. This was the same week I forgot about a Monday morning meeting that required me to be into work super early (which, come on, Monday morning? That's asking to be forgotten). I felt awful, and I knew I wasn't living up to the standards of my supervisors and myself. I might have cried.

In the past couple weeks I've also: fallen off a step ladder, overslept for a cross country flight, dropped my lunch (spent the afternoon reeking of pesto. yum), and dropped about 75 other things. I'm just... ugh. I feel weird. So, last night, I had had a bad day, was all emotional and weird (the lunch dropping incident was Monday, so I'm still pretty broken up about it), and it was super late. We'd just done a tasting with the caterer (where we didn't get to taste the dishes we're ACTUALLY having at the wedding!? is that normal!?), and I was frustrated and overwhelmed with reception stuff. It was 7:45 by the time I even got around to running. And I hadn't had dinner. With 6 miles on the schedule, I was contemplating not running. Then I looked at the schedule and saw 3 miles on Friday. 3 miles is much less than 6! I can do 3! But then, I of course doubted myself- the schedule is designed to be run in order! I can't deviate! What if running 6 on Friday 2 days before my long run is the WORST decision I could possibly make? What if 6 miles is what I just absolutely have to do today? I CANNOT DISOBEY THE SCHEDULE.

I hate my brain.

After a lot of waffling and doubting, I realized if I ran 6 miles I wouldn't be done until 9pm and would still need to eat. Which is just ridiculous. 3 miles it was. Nick went with me! It was a fast, humid, sweaty run, but it got done. No one died, my training plan didn't burst into flames, I didn't instantly get fat. These were all actual concerns I had. I know, I am a mess. The thing about the training plan is that it provides me structure that I need, or else I'll just run 5 miles a few times a week and each weekend run slightly longer until I reach 20 approximately 3 weeks before the marathon. I'm super scientific. So, training plans are helpful. On the other hand, a training plan is the structure can suffocate me if I'm not careful. It's a balance. Like the rest of life. I'm so insightful.

Now for some good news. After over 2 months of waiting, we have a Marriage Certificate! It's really really official! We also got our wedding pictures and they are hilarious (I look like I'm trying to unhinge my jaw like a boa constrictor and devour  Nick at some points.Apparently that's what I look like when I laugh) and gorgeous. I'm so happy.

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