Wednesday, November 7, 2012

I have no idea what I'm doing

I was reading through my posts the last couple weeks and realized I sound... confident. I didn't mean to do that. I'm not confident. I'm terrified that 1) I haven't trained enough for my needs and 2) we haven't trained enough to get Nick to the finish line happy and healthy. (Nick, you should not be reading right now. Not kidding).

I am reading the stupid Runner's World forums WAY too much and letting myself get freaked out by all the instances when people ask "I've been training at X:XX pace, 35 miles/week, how fast can I finish the marathon?" and the responses are along the lines of "you would be lucky to finish a marathon in 12 hours with running only 35 mpw! Don't you read? What training plan are you following, 'How to be a lazy ass and sit on the couch and only run 35 mpw'?!?!" (this is minor hyperbole. but only minor). So, how much have we been running? Less than 35 miles per week... like, way less. One week, I ran 50 miles but that was because I had to run a long run on Sunday and the next one on Saturday. It was a complete accident. The rest of this training cycle has been closer to 30 mpw. Do I think this means my legs will fall off during the race? Yes. Is this normal marathon nerves? How much did I run last year?

When I ask myself these questions, or try and talk to Nick about Marathoning 101, I keep hearing a nasty nagging voice in my head that says "you finished one marathon. and you took almost 5 hours. you are not an expert. you don't know what normal is. Nick is fast and capable and you've led him astray."

I hate anxiety.

Anywho. To chill myself out in these last few days I keep trying to remember:
- I have so much iron in my body right now, it's ridiculous. My blood cells are chubby and happy
- I ran a 5K PR by a full minute this weekend. My legs are in decent shape.
- 5 miles @ MGP Monday felt... easy?
- Those 2 x 18 milers and 2 x 18+ milers were totally doable. The hay is in the barn. The money is in the bank. The... in...the... garage? I don't know any more sayings.
-We can slow down. Barring any huge upsets, I'll still PR and Nick will still be a marathoner after this weekend. I want to turn off my worry and let myself enjoy this time with him and this time letting my body do something I swear it's capable of doing.

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