Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Inside my head

Thoughts I have while swimming:
32 laps to go....32...32...32...wait... 31? no. 30? more? 33? When did I start? If I average 1:45/100 meters and I started at 30:00 on the pace clock, should I have gone further? Should I swim 1600? More? I wonder how Nick feels. How far have I gone now? 800m? Sprint tris are only around 750m I think? I should definitely do one! Open water swimmnig is weird though. Didn't I see one with a pool swim? I should do that. I need to bike more. I need to inflate my bike tires. I could probably even do an Olympic distance tri, that's only 1500 m. How far have I gone now? How is it that 20 minutes swimming feels like an eternity? I think I get more tired swimming than running. I wonder if I'll be sore tomorrow. Yikes my form feels terrible. I'm not kicking smoothly. It's called flutter kick, Laurel, not random splashing kick. Almost done now! 10 more minutes. La la la swimming is fun.

Thoughts I have while running:
This needs to be done. Now. Hate. 45 more minutes. 44.5 more minutes. My legs feel funny. Am I injured? Omg what if I'm injured. My knee feels tweaky. My foot hurts. My legs are sore. It's hot. Am I getting sunburned? Oh geez, I'm sweating so much. I wish sweat wasn't in my eyes. I think my shorts are going to chafe. Good job, thighs. Or good job drinking all that beer last week, Laurel. Don't blame your thighs. 41 more minutes. 40.5 more minutes. Ugh, hill. Ugh, dead animal. Did I not fuel properly? I didn't sleep very well last night. I bet that's why I feel terrible. Is Nick faster than me? Am I holding him back? 38 more minutes. Now my leg is really hurting. I bet it's my IT band. I'm totally undertrained for a half marathon. What if it's hot on race day? What if my stomach is upset? Ugh my stomach hurts now. Wonder if I'll make it. 35 more minutes. That's 2/9 of the way through. 2/9! Weee! This needs to be done. Now. Hate.

Ummm so I think I might hate running? It takes a village to get me to the swimming pool, but once I'm there I tend to do pretty well. I can chug through a workout and feel pleasantly tired at the end. I don't usually stress too much about my aches and pains. Swimsuits are super comfortable.

...I should swim more!

But really, I go through this every year. Or every month. Running is not easy for me, and some aspects of it I straight up hate. I love how I feel when I'm done. I love how it makes my legs look. I love the feeling of accomplishment. I really love running with Nick, even if I worry about my pace... it's great knowing we share an enjoyment of running. Right now I might just be falling out of love with running since I'm stressed over the half marathon in 19 days, which I feel utterly unprepared for (I ran 9.1 miles on the treadmill in my super awesome new shoes (thanks, Mom and Dad!). I finished in around 85 minutes, so I ran at an appropriate long run pace. I didn't feel totally dead. But still... 4 more miles...?!?!

*I wrote all of the above before running with Nick last night, where I tried really hard to keep my thought processes positive. Even when the air smelled like a mix of honeysuckle and death. Even when breathing was hard. Even when my hips ached. There was a lot of mental back and forth and I'm pretty sure I spent more time in the negative zone than the positive, but it was a start. I just need to be less of a grump and try to cultivate positive thoughts. Some ideas:
"This could suck worse"
"This is totally going to make my butt less squishy. Positive!"
"At least it's not raining!" (if it is not raining)
"At least it's not raining hard!" (if it is not raining hard)
"All this rain will make my veggie garden grow!"

Anywho. Here's a weird "baby carrot" i found in my carrot bag last week. You can't fool me. That's not a baby at all.

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